While times have changed and there is no longer a cultural expectation for a parent—usually a mother—to sacrifice their career and stay home to raise a couple’s children, many couples choose such an arrangement. A stay-at-home parent plays a very important, and often underestimated, role in not only the lives of the children but in the running of the household as well. A divorce, however, can have a significant impact on a stay-at-home parent, as the parent may face serious financial concerns. If you are a stay-at-home parent facing the possibility of a divorce, there are some options that could help minimize the impact of the split.

Maintenance Laws in Illinois

The primary method of helping stay-at-home parents after divorce is called “maintenance” in Illinois law. Also known as alimony or spousal support, maintenance refers to payments made by one spouse to the other following a divorce. Under Illinois law, maintenance is not automatic and it is only awarded when the parties agree to it or the court determines that a need for it exists. You being a stay-at-home parent might be a major consideration, but there are other factors that the court must take into account as well, including:

If you are considering a divorce or you have made the decision to end your marriage, you may be getting all sorts of advice from family members and friends. There is a good chance that some of them have recommended hiring an attorney—and they probably have just the right lawyer for you. While whatever attorneys they have in mind may have helped them in the past, you need to select a divorce attorney who is the best fit for you and your situation.

At our firm, we encourage potential clients to ask as many questions as they would like and to learn more about our lawyers before making any decisions. During these conversations, many individuals ask similar questions—questions are that extremely important in helping people choose a lawyer and a law firm. It is up to you to decide what constitutes a satisfactory response, but the lawyer you select should be able to answer questions such as:

• How much experience do you have in family law? An attorney with many years of experience in divorce and family law matters will have a working knowledge of the applicable state laws, as well as a familiarity with local courts. A lawyer who is younger and has less experience may cost less but may also be willing to work harder as he or she looks to build a positive reputation;
• Who will handle my case? The names of the partners in a particular law firm may be obvious, but will one of them really be doing most of the legwork on your case? You have the right to know if your case will be mostly handled by paralegals or associates. Remember that you might pay more in fees if a partner does most of the work;
• What is your approach to divorce? Some lawyers are proud of their reputation as a “bulldog” in divorce cases and all but refuse to compromise. Other attorneys are skilled negotiators who like to develop creative solutions. Still others practice between the two extremes. It is important to find an attorney who is willing and able to practice in a manner that reflects your values and needs;
• What is your firm’s fee structure? You deserve to know if every phone call or text message from you will result in billable hours for your attorney. You should also know in advance if rates increase for court time or travel. Be sure to ask about inter-office conferences also, as some firms will charge for several attorneys’ time even if you did not know that a meeting or conference about your case was taking place.

Any question that you ask should lead to more detailed discussions with a prospective lawyer. It is up to you to learn as much as you can during your first conversation so that you have the information necessary to make the right decision.

Right this moment, you can probably think of at least one couple that you know who are living separately but who have not yet filed for divorce. When a couple is having marital problems, it is not uncommon for one spouse to find a new place to live while making decisions about the future of the relationship. This happens so frequently that most people would not consider filing for a divorce while continuing to live in the same home as their partner.

It is important to understand that just because something happens frequently does not make it a requirement. You might be somewhat surprised to discover that the law in Illinois previously required a period of living separate and apart prior to a divorce, but the requirement no longer exists. Today, a couple looking to get divorced could potentially do so without any type of separation at all.

An Antiquated Approach

The Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory ranks the emotional burden of difficult life events. On the list are things like the loss of a loved one, getting fired from a job, and changing careers. Divorce is ranked as the second-most traumatic life event a person can experience. Only the death of a spouse is considered more emotionally-taxing than divorce. If you are going through a divorce, or soon will be, it is imperative that you take time to look after your own health—both physically and emotionally. There is no perfect way to manage the trauma caused by divorce, but experts do have suggestions for keeping yourself as healthy as possible during divorce.

Accept That There Is No Right Way to Feel

Everyone experiences divorce differently. Some individuals are consumed by rage and must constantly check their anger while handling the end of their marriage. Others experience sadness and grief akin to suffering the death of a loved one. Still others feel a great sense of relief or even joy at the thought of ending an unhappy marriage. Whatever your feelings or reactions to the end of your marriage, know that it is okay to feel them. You will probably not experience divorce the same way your friends, family members, or co-workers do. If you are struggling to handle the intense emotions which go along with divorce, guidance from a therapist or counselor can be valuable.

If your spouse has filed a petition for divorce, he or she had the choice of where the file the petition. This means that your spouse selected the county in which the proceedings for your divorce will take place. You may be somewhat surprised to know that you are not necessarily stuck with the choice your spouse made. He or she may have initiated the divorce action, but you have the right to file an objection to the selected venue. You do, however, need to act quickly.

Understanding Venue

In the practice of the law, the word “venue” means the court system where a given case is heard. It can refer to a county court or a federal district court, but for a divorce in Illinois, a case will be heard in the circuit court of the selected county. The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA) provides that a divorce case should be held in the county where at least one of the spouses lives. For example, if the couple has separated, and the wife moved to DuPage County while her husband moved to Will County, the law presumes that the couple will for divorce in either of those counties.