Infidelity is a common cause of marital stress and can contribute to the decision to end a marriage through divorce. Of course, affairs do not always involve secret meetings in hotel rooms or even any physical contact at all. Emotional affairs, meaning infidelity without a sexual or physical component, can develop when married spouses form close, intimate relationships with others outside of their marriage. It can be extremely difficult to determine when a friendship becomes an emotional affair. It is up to every married couple to make their own boundaries and decisions regarding what behavior constitutes infidelity. That being said, emotional infidelity often escalates into a full-blown affair. Many marriages have met “the beginning of the end” due to emotional affairs.

Deceit is Often the First Sign of an Emotional Affair

With the proliferation of social networking websites like Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Twitter it is easier than ever to connect with others. Twenty years ago, when high school sweethearts split up, they would generally only meet again if they happened to stay in their hometown. Today, most of us stay in constant digital connection with friends and ex-lovers from our past. It can be hard to know when a friendship becomes too friendly for a married person. One telltale sign that a relationship is bordering on an affair is when a spouse starts to hide information about the relationship from his or her spouse. If your significant other has a relationship with a person whom they are very secretive about, this could be a red flag that an emotional affair is evolving.

You did not get married in the hope or intention that, one day, you would get divorced. If you and your spouse are like most people, you almost certainly walked down the aisle with fantasies of a happy life together, no matter what obstacles life put in your way. The reality, however, is that the “happily ever after” ending is not always possible for a given couple—at least not together. Fortunately, it may be possible for you to re-establish yourself in the wake of your divorced and to find the happiness you never dreamed possible, especially as you struggled through an unhappy or unhealthy marriage.

Free to Be You

When you entered into your marriage, you likely gave up some of yourself. Many spouses sacrifice party of their identity in order to forge a new one as a couple. Investing in the marriage is not always a bad thing, but when the relationship goes south, it can make you feel like you lost a part of yourself. During and after you divorced, take some time to discover who you are now, who you wish to be in the future, and how you might get there. Give yourself the liberty to look into new hobbies and ideas—maybe even career choices. It is no longer important what your spouse thinks or wants. This time is about you. Regaining a sense of yourself can help you acclimate to your post-divorce life.

One of the most challenging aspects of being a divorced or unmarried parent is the idea of sharing parental duties with your former partner. Each person often has an idea of how a should be raised, and these ideas may vary—even when both parents are reasonable and have good intentions. Conflicting parenting ideas can lead to confusion and uncertainty on the part of the child, so it is important for parents to cooperate in creating a parenting plan that lays out each parent’s role in regard to making significant decisions that affect the child.

Defining Significant Decisions

According to the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA), significant decisions include those related to “issues of long-term importance in the life of the child.” The IMDMA offers several examples of concerns that are considered to be significant decisions, including:

While the “half of all marriages end in divorce” idea is not entirely accurate, divorce has become a common enough occurrence that many people look to keep their costs down by using do-it-yourself legal websites and filing their own documents. In some cases, this approach may work out fine, but most couples will save time, stress, and yes, even money by working with a qualified divorce attorney. There are many reasons to partner with a skilled lawyer during your divorce, including these most common ones:

1. Experience Matters

A family law firm handles divorce cases every day. This means even relatively young lawyers quickly gain experience with all types of circumstances and unique challenges. Lawyers understand the law, know the local court systems, and are often familiar with the judges themselves. Legal professionals can also bring up important issues that a divorcing couple may not think about when managing a divorce on their own.

In the movies and on television, casual references to divorce and property division seem to promote the idea that divorcing spouses will automatically split their assets down the middle, with each person getting an equal share. While there may be some level of truth to that assumption in certain states, the reality in Illinois is often much more complex. Divorce and property division statutes in the state require the equitable distribution of marital assets, which means fair and just, not necessarily equal.

Negotiated Agreements

As with most aspects of divorce, there is no requirement that all decisions must be left up to the court. You and your spouse are able to work out a property division agreement that is reasonable and meets the needs of all involved parties. If the resulting agreement is not unconscionably one-sided and you and your spouse voluntarily agree to its terms, the court is very likely to approve it and incorporate it into your divorce settlement. Such an agreement, however, is not always possible; in which case, the court must intervene and make a determination.