f you and your ex-spouse find yourselves unable to reach an agreement when it comes to child custody during your divorce, a judge will create an arrangement for you. An “allocation of parental responsibility” judgment created in court is based primarily upon Illinois law and what the judge considers to be in the best interests of the children, but it will not always work with the lifestyle of your family. When arguing your case in court, your goal is to represent beyond any doubt that more time with you is what is best for your children. Use these tips to help strengthen your case:

1. Educate Yourself

It is essential to understand that every state has a unique set of laws surrounding child custody. To best prepare your case, you should thoroughly investigate the laws and the factors a judge will use to make their decision. In Illinois, judgments of how to allocate parenting time and parental responsibility are based entirely on the best interests of the children, and the factors a judge will consider include:

• The wishes of everyone involved.
• The quality of each parent-child relationship.
• The mental and physical health of all parties.
• The willingness of each parent to facilitate a relationship with the other parent.
• Which parent has provided care for children in the past.
• The ability of a parent to provide a stable and loving environment.
• The level of adjustment the child has to the current situation.

2. Evaluate Your Positives

Your first instinct may be to tear down the other parent in order to bolster your own good qualities. However, this thinking does not always result in a positive outcome, and it can cause you to lose points when a judge is considering the “willingness of each parent to facilitate a relationship with the other parent.” Instead, focus on your positives. Start with a basic list of why you best meet the criteria described above. Then, begin accumulating hard evidence to support your claims. This may include:

Becoming a parent is one of the many significant milestones in life. It is a chance for you to pass on your knowledge and your legacy to the next generation. As we quickly discover, that legacy is well-earned through the many responsibilities we undertake as parents. We must make an enormous amount of decisions and sacrifices for our children, including providing for their medical care and education, as well as the financial costs required to provide them with an acceptable standard of living.

Unfortunately, information sometimes emerges that paternity is no longer certain, and a parent may be providing for a child who belongs to someone else. This emotionally charged situation happens more than you might guess. For this reason, there is a set legal procedure for disestablishing paternity, which effectively severs the obligation to pay child support or other financial requirements in the future.

If You Are Not the Presumed Father or Have Not Signed a Voluntary Acknowledgement of Paternity (VAP)

If you are married to a child’s mother at the conception or birth of the child, Illinois acknowledges you as the presumed father, making you the legal father of the child in question. If you were not married to the mother at that time and have not signed a Voluntary Acknowledgement of Paternity (VAP) form, it is possible to disestablish paternity by completing a Petition to Establish the Non-Existence of a Parent-Child Relationship.

Our society becomes increasingly mobile with each passing year. Some of the top reasons to move often include a new employment opportunity or a desire to relocate to a new community. Another leading reason for relocation is a change in marital status. After a divorce, a person who has moved to a new city with their spouse may opt to return to their hometown, where they will have a more extensive support system. However, relocating with children after a divorce is not as easy as packing a bag and driving away. When planning for child relocation, parents in Illinois should be sure to understand the legal ramifications of their move.

Review the Terms of the Divorce Agreement

When you choose to move with your child, especially if you are planning to move out of state, you will be disrupting the parenting time (visitation) rights of the other parent. As part of your divorce decree, you may have temporary or permanent court orders outlining any rules or restrictions for moving. Choosing to ignore these orders may jeopardize your future with your children, and you could even be held in contempt of court, a charge which has serious legal repercussions.

Distance Matters

Generally speaking, if you are moving to a new home that is close to your old residence, you do not need to give prior notification to the other parent. However, if you reside within DuPage, Cook, Kane, McHenry, Lake, or Will counties and are moving 25 miles or more from your current home, you must notify the other parent in writing 60 days before the move occurs, and you must receive approval from the court. Parents who live in other counties within Illinois must provide notification if they plan to relocate more than 50 miles away, and notification must also be provided for an out-of-state move more than 25 miles from your current residence.

Marriages are as unique as the individuals that enter them. From the wedding to the day-to-day lifestyle, what happens within one marriage is unlike any other. The same idea is true in divorces as well. There is no “one size fits all” solution to the dissolution of marriage. Today, while some divorces can be contentious, it is possible to achieve an amicable and cost-effective divorce through alternative dispute resolution, if your situation allows for it.

Mediation

Mediation is a way to achieve a divorce without many of the unpleasant side effects. With the assistance of a neutral third party, the two parties work out an agreement that is best for the family. Together, they decide the outcome of each issue, including child visitation schedules, spousal support payments, and property division. This option can take as little or as much time as necessary to conclude, and it often saves divorcing couples a significant amount of money. Additionally, this option often leaves less adverse effects on any children involved, as they witness their parents civilly reaching an agreement rather than feuding publicly in court. Due to the informality of the procedure, mediation works best for couples who can communicate relatively well with each other.

Collaborative Law

Some couples need further individual representation than what is offered in mediation. In a collaborative divorce, both parties have an attorney present to advocate for them and protect their interests, yet they work to reach a settlement without the need for courtroom litigation. Rather than using adversarial techniques, all parties agree to use effective negotiation methods to reach an amicable agreement. Representatives creatively work to minimize any emotional damage to the children and limit conflict between parties. Attorneys and neutral third-party experts work together constructively and fairly, agreeing to share information openly. Although experts and attorneys are necessary, this option typically is more cost-friendly than litigation, as both parties may split the expenses.

Making the decision to pursue a divorce is very difficult and should only be done after a great deal of reflection and thought. You married your spouse because you loved him or her and were ready to commit your lives to one another. If you are approaching divorce, obviously, the situation has changed dramatically. Some couples simply grow apart and are able to complete the divorce process with a level of cooperation and civility. In other cases, one spouse simply refuses to communicate or compromise, making things much more challenging for everyone involved. If your spouse is preventing your divorce proceedings from moving along reasonably, there are some things you can do.

Understand Your Spouse’s Reasons

A spouse who is being difficult during a divorce is generally motivated by something or a number of things. It is possible that your spouse is frightened of the prospect of moving forward alone and, therefore, is having trouble letting go, especially if you surprised your spouse by filing for divorce. An emotional period of transition is reasonable, but if your spouse’s behavior continues or worsens, it may be time for you to push through and complete the process despite his or her issues.

Be Sure to Write Everything Down

From the moment you decide to file for divorce, you should begin documenting anything and everything that could prove to be useful later in the proceedings. If your spouse sends you a threatening text message, save it. If he or she is taking money from your joint accounts, make a note each time it happens. Every time you have a phone conversation, take a moment to write down the time and date of the call and what you discussed. Information is your best defense against a spouse who refuses to participate in the divorce process.