When you are in the midst of a divorce, it may seem very tempting to just sit back and the let a judge make the difficult decisions. Of course, this approach fails to account for the multiple court appearances that will be probably be necessary, and the fact that you will still need to provide the court with all of the information and evidence relevant to your case. Divorce laws in Illinois explicitly promote amicable agreements between divorcing spouses whenever possible. Divorcing parents, in particular, are expected to work together in developing a plan for cooperative parenting and protecting their children’s best interests.

Parents Know Best

There are many examples in Illinois family law indicating that a court must presume that parents will act in the best interest of their child. This is based on the idea that, unless proven otherwise, parents are equipped to fully understand the situation at hand and to make decisions for their child that are ultimately beneficial.

Under the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act, the same concept applies to co-parenting and the allocation of parental responsibilities. Rather than assuming that courts should make parenting judgments, the law requires divorcing parents to develop a strategy for parenting together. The plan, of course, must be reviewed and approved by the court, but the court will only make changes or enter a judgment of its own when absolutely necessary to protect the child’s interests.

When you share parenting time of your child with your ex-spouse, your ability to control what the other parent does with his or her time is limited. Unless the child is being placed in danger, your former partner is essentially free to parent as he or she sees fit. For the most part, as long as your child is happy and safe, you are probably able to accept this particular aspect of post-divorce co-parenting. However, what about the times when the other parent needs to hire a babysitter or make other childcare arrangements during his or her parenting time? Do you have any say in the matter? Depending upon the terms of your parenting plan or parental responsibilities order, you may, in fact, have certain rights.

First Refusal

The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act provides that divorced, separated, or unmarried parents may include the right of first refusal in their parenting agreement. As such, it important to understand what that right entails. According to the law, the right of first refusal means that if a parent intends to leave his or her child with a “substitute child-care provider for a significant period of time,” the parent must first offer the other parent the opportunity to care for the child. In other words, if the right of first refusal is included in your agreement and you need a sitter for a significant period of time, you must first ask the other parent if he or she wants to care for your child.

Reaching an Agreement

The law is intentionally vague regarding what constitutes a “significant period of time,” because such a determination is best made by the affected parties. If you want the right of first refusal, you and the other parent must decide how and when the right will be invoked. For example, you may decide that if one of you needs to find childcare for a single evening, hiring a sitter or asking a family member is acceptable, but if you need substitute care for a whole day or more, you will need to ask the other parent first. You will also want to discuss transportation arrangements and any other potential concerns so that they can be addressed before problems arise.

One of the biggest struggles for many divorcing couples is determining which party, if either, will get to keep the marital home and how the finances can be arranged to make it happen. When you and your spouse share a mortgage on a home, ending one party’s responsibility is not usually as simple as taking his or her name off of the note. If you are intending to keep the home, transferring the mortgage into your name alone is a process that may take months or even years, and preparation is absolutely vital.

Review the Feasibility

Before jumping in, you need to take an in-depth look at what your post-divorce financial situation will look like. If you are like most people going through a divorce, it is important to keep in mind that you will be required to support yourself—with or without some help from spousal maintenance—on a single income. You will want to make sure that you cannot only afford the mortgage payments but also all of the expenses associated with owning a home as well, including taxes, utilities, repairs, insurance, and more.

Moving Forward Alone

Once you have determined that keeping the home is, in fact, realistic, and your spouse has agreed to the decision, you will probably need to provide some sort of compensation to your spouse to offset his or her portion of the value of the home. You may choose to draw directly from the equity in the home or offer some other asset or property of value to do so. Either way, you will most likely need to take out a new mortgage on the home, listing you as the sole borrower. Your spouse will probably be strongly supportive of this idea so that he or she cannot be held liable for any possible future defaults.

Getting a divorce can be one of the most complicated and stressful experiences of a person’s life. Individuals with a high net worth, business owners, and divorcing spouses with children generally have the most complex divorces. Childless couples or couples who do not own property often have easier, faster divorces, but of course, there are countless factors that contribute to how a marriage ends. Whether your particular situation has confounding factors or not, there are a few steps you can take to make your divorce go as painlessly as possible. If you are planning to divorce your spouse, read on to learn about the most common divorce mistakes and how you can avoid them.

Classic Mistake 1: Overvaluing Your Financial Scenario

The Monty Python boys told us to “Always look on the bright side of life.” While optimism is a valuable tool in many situations, those getting a divorce should be careful not to be too optimistic when analyzing their financial situation. You and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse will have an opportunity to divide your combined property as a part of the divorce. Some divorcing individuals make the mistake of overestimating the financial burden they can realistically manage. For example, a spouse may have a great sentimental attachment to the family home, but would struggle to make the mortgage payment by himself or herself. In a situation such as this, it may be best to sell the family home and split the profits instead.

Classic Mistake 2: Not Allowing Others to Help

As you begin to tell friends and family about your decision to divorce, many will probably offer to help. Friends and family may say things like “Let me know if you need anything,” but often, people going through a divorce are hesitant to actually take these offers. There is nothing wrong with needing extra help with things like childcare, meal preparation, or transportation. Sometimes the help you need may just be a listening ear. Try taking your friends up on their offers to help and you may be surprised by how stress-relieving it is.

Any time researchers try to find trends in the divorce rate, there is always a “which comes first” debate that takes place. For example, when looking at professions or occupations that are more prone to divorce, the question must be asked, “Does this profession increase the likelihood of divorce or is the type of person more prone to divorce, for whatever reason, more inclined to work in this field?” Whatever the case may be, there is little question that divorce is more common among those who work in particular industries or jobs, and many such occupations have very similar stresses and challenges.

Police, Firefighters, and Armed Service Members

While it is difficult to imagine modern life without individuals who have committed themselves to public safety and national defense, these jobs are not without their downsides. Police officers and fire fighters often work long shifts, with a great deal of stress added to the equation. Servicemen and women spend months at a time away from their spouses and families, frequently leading to communication issues and deteriorating relationships

Athletes and Entertainers

Countless hours, extended travel, public attention, and a seemingly-constant party-like atmosphere place a strain on any marriage. Dancers, musicians, actors, and other entertainers—whether or not they are particularly famous—often struggle to maintain healthy marital relationships, sometimes in a manner that makes the cover of supermarket tabloids. Professional entertainers experience a divorce rate of more than 28 percent.