When you and your spouse have children together, you may feel pressured to stay in an unhappy marriage for their sake. Perhaps you fear that your children will be caught in the middle of a messy divorce process, or you may be worried about how their lives will change if they no longer live in a two-parent household. These are certainly valid concerns, but staying together may have negative effects on your children as well. Rather than delaying the inevitable, it may be best to consider your options for a divorce that leaves both you and your children in a better place.

How Staying Together Can Harm Your Children

You may have good intentions for attempting to stay together, but this can be harmful for your children in ways that you may not expect. For example, if you and your spouse are frequently angry with each other and engaging in destructive conflict, you may be modeling an unhealthy relationship in a way that affects how your children approach their own relationships. This is especially true if there is physical or emotional abuse in your household, not to mention the fact that your children may be at risk of physical or mental harm. If you are preoccupied with conflict in your marriage, you may also be unable to devote the time, energy, and attention to your children that they need.

Alternatives That Can Help Your Children

If your marriage is struggling, there are often more productive options than simply trying to ignore or cope with the problems. Some alternatives that can help both you and your children include:

During the process of your divorce, it is important to reach a resolution on a parenting plan in accordance with your children’s best interests at the time. However, chances are that your life situation will change significantly in the years following your divorce, and the original parenting plan may no longer meet your children’s needs or your own. When this is the case, you should consider pursuing a legal modification to the parenting plan that better accounts for your family’s current circumstances.

Reasons to Modify Your Parenting Agreement in Illinois

After your divorce, you may modify a parenting time agreement at any time as long as you can demonstrate that the change is in your children’s best interests. Parental decision-making responsibilities, on the other hand, typically cannot be modified until two years after the original agreement was finalized, except in circumstances in which the children’s mental or physical health is at risk. Specific reasons to modify your parenting plan may include:

• A parent’s move: A move to a new home within 25 or 50 miles may necessitate some changes to your parenting time schedule, while a longer-distance relocation may require a major adjustment, as well as additional approval from the court.

  ...

In almost every situation in which a child’s parents are separated, both parents are obligated to contribute financially to the child’s regular needs through child support. This includes expenses related to the child’s K-12 education, but it does not necessarily include expenses related to college or post-secondary education. For this reason, Illinois has special provisions in place that may require both parents to contribute to their children’s higher education even after they have reached the age of 18. As a parent, it is important to be aware of what you might be required to pay.

Calculating College Expenses in Illinois

In most cases, tuition and housing are the largest expenses associated with a college education. According to U.S. News and World Report, the average cost of tuition and fees in the 2019-2020 academic year was $10,116 for in-state students and $22,577 for out-of-state students at public schools, and $36,801 for students at private schools. The cost of room and board varies significantly depending on the college or university, but average costs in recent years come in at around $10,000 annually.

When ordering separated parents to contribute to college expenses, Illinois tries to keep costs manageable by requiring parents to pay, at most, the cost of tuition, fees, and room and board for an in-state student at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. For the 2020-2021 school year at the University of Illinois, tuition and fees are estimated to be between $17,000 and $22,000, and room and board is estimated at around $12,000. Actual expenses for parents could be less if their children are attending a school or educational program with lower costs.

When you decide to get a divorce, you may be surprised to learn that retirement accounts, including IRAs, 401(k)s, and pensions, are usually considered marital property and are therefore subject to division, regardless of whose name the account is under. This can be especially challenging for older couples who have often accumulated significant savings and are planning to retire in the near future. In order to protect your retirement savings, it is important to hire an experienced attorney who can help you minimize losses during the divorce process.

Keeping Retirement Funds Safe During the Divorce Process

With the assistance of an attorney, there are several actions you can take to protect your retirement savings in the event of a divorce, including:

• Establishing a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement: If you have significant retirement savings before getting married, it may be beneficial to create a prenuptial agreement with your partner that clarifies what will happen to those funds in a divorce. You can also modify your prenuptial agreement or create a postnuptial agreement during your marriage as your financial circumstances change.

  ...

A prenuptial agreement can be a great option for marrying couples who want to ensure that their financial assets are protected. However, some couples are reluctant to pursue a premarital agreement, possibly because of the awkwardness of thinking about divorce before the marriage even begins, or possibly because they feel they do not have sufficient assets for a prenuptial agreement to be necessary. For some of these couples, it may become apparent after the wedding that an agreement would be beneficial. Fortunately, married spouses have the option of establishing a postnuptial agreement.

What Can an Illinois Postnuptial Agreement Address?

A postnuptial agreement is often beneficial when a couple experiences a significant change in their financial situation during their marriage, perhaps due to an inheritance, a career opportunity, or the establishment of a new business. A postnuptial agreement can address many of the same issues as a prenuptial agreement, including:

• Each spouse’s property rights during the marriage, including ownership, use, management, and the ability to buy or sell.

  ...