Many parents’ primary goal during divorce proceedings is to ensure they maintain a close relationship with their children. Illinois law recognizes the importance of both parents remaining in their children’s lives, and has recently moved away from the term “custody” to the “allocation of parental responsibilities,” which emphasizes the importance of the parents coming to an agreement. However, disputes about children can still sometimes be bitter, and it is important to understand your rights as a parent if you find that your relationship with your children is being challenged.

Parenting Time Rights in Illinois

Unless you have been convicted of certain crimes, or otherwise deemed to be a threat to your children’s physical, mental or emotional health, you are legally entitled to parenting time—formerly known as visitation—with your children. For your former spouse to deny this is actually against the law. However, the form your parenting time takes may vary, and it may not be exactly equal to that of your ex, depending on factors like your work hours and where you live in location to where the other parent is located. For example, a parent who lives in a rural area several hours’ flight away from where the other parent and children live may receive less frequent in-person parenting time than a parent who lives 15 minutes away in the next town.

The watchword in determining parenting time rights and schedules is “reasonableness.” A schedule that is unreasonable to one or both parties, or to the children, can lead to significant problems in the future. Illinois works hard to ensure the ideal of reasonableness is upheld so that both parents have as much time as possible with their children. Illinois even offers a special provision called the “right of first refusal,” which allows a parent the first opportunity to take care of the children if the other parent needs child care for a period of time. This right is somewhat unique, having only been adopted in a handful of states up to this point. 

When a child is born to parents who are not married or who have never been married to one another, this can pose a few problems. Under Illinois law, a man is only presumed to be the father of a child if he was married to the mother when the child was born, or if the couple had been married within 300 days before the child’s birth. If neither is true, then the parents must establish legal paternity for the child another way. Many times, before a court will issue an Order of Paternity, it will require that the mother, alleged father, and child submit to genetic testing to determine the true biological father of the child.

Genetic Testing Procedure in Illinois

A child gets half of his or her genes from the mother and the other half from the father. DNA testing works by comparing the genes of the child with the genes of both parents. The person conducting the genetic testing will be chosen by the court, but you are also permitted to conduct independent genetic testing if you so choose. The Illinois Paternity Act states that DNA samples can be from blood, bone, hair, or other bodily fluids, though the most common way to gather DNA samples is from a simple swab of the cheek.

Genetic testing is very accurate. If the man tested is not the biological father, it will be known with almost absolute certainty. On the other hand, if the test results show that the man is 1,000 times more likely to be the child’s father than an unrelated man chosen at random, the probability of paternity is at least 99.9 percent, and the man will be presumed to be the biological father under Illinois law.

For many couples, the advice they get as they experience a divorce can often seem repetitive and, at times, even useless. Hearing the same suggestions for a successful, happy post-divorce life over and over again can be discouraging, especially when those suggestions seem downright unrealistic. We all know the standard recipe for a healthy lifestyle: eat well, exercise, and make time to do things we enjoy. On the surface, this formula for well-being appears practical, but when your marriage is in the midst of ending, it is not always so easy to strike that balance.

Finding Your Balance

Everyone adjusts differently to a divorce, depending on your personal situation and the circumstances that led up to the split. It is helpful to recognize that there is no need to rush through your emotional recovery, as it is a natural process that needs to take place. However, it is also a good idea to set goals for yourself and to be aware of signs that you are in a rut and are having trouble with the transition. 

Keeping Your Expectations Realistic

The end of a marriage can feel like a personal failure, so it is easy to become your own worst critic. By keeping the expectations you have for yourself realistic as you work to heal and move on, you increase your chances of living a healthier, more balanced lifestyle throughout the divorce period. Research backs this up: the American Psychological Association (APA) reports that those who treat themselves with kindness and compassion have an easier time managing life while going through a divorce.

One of the most important decisions you will make when going through a divorce is choosing who you will retain to be your divorce attorney. Having the right attorney—one who is not only skilled at his or her craft but also one who you feel comfortable and confident with—is crucial to having a successful divorce.

When meeting with a divorce attorney for the first time, there are several areas that you should make sure you find out information about. These areas include:

Attorney and Legal Fees

The amount an attorney charges, including their hourly rate, any required retainer, and other possible attorney and legal fees, is something that every attorney should be forthcoming with. No one needs any surprise fees, especially while going through such a life-changing event. Although an attorney cannot predict the exact amount your divorce may cost, he or she should be able to explain the standard charges, as well as situations that could come up which could cause those costs to increase.

There are multiple decisions and negotiations that divorcing couples must grapple with. Many of these decisions are highly emotional, including the allocation of parental responsibilities, ownership of the family home, custody of the family pet, and even possession of sentimental personal items the couple has amassed during their time together. So many of these decisions revolve around the present that it can be easy to overlook the future issues, such as the division of retirement funds and pensions. For this matter especially, having a skilled divorce attorney assisting you can be critical.

There are many factors to consider when trying to determine how these funds will be divided, including tax implications and early withdrawal penalties if the transaction is not handled correctly. Knowing ahead of time the best way to manage each of these accounts can save a great deal of time, stress, and money.

Dividing Different Types of Retirement Accounts

Different retirement plans require different procedures for division in a divorce. Individual retirement accounts (IRA) are savings accounts that offer many tax advantages while enabling people to save for their retirement. These accounts are usually offered by financial institutions, such as banks and credit unions. Qualified plans, such as 401(k) or 403(b) plans, are employer-sponsored plans. Employees can contribute to these accounts and there are no taxes paid on the amount in the account until the employee actually makes a withdrawal.