There is little question that a divorce can be a difficult and taxing experience. It can be especially tough when one or both spouses refuse to communicate or only communicate in ways that add to the tension of the split. When couples already had communication problems long before the separation, the potential for a breakdown in overall communication or a discussion that turns toxic may be even greater during the divorce process. 

Common Communication Issues in the Divorce Process

Psychology experts indicate there are specific behaviors that many people exhibit while interacting with their spouse during the divorce that are often responsible for unproductive—and sometimes hostile—communication. These problematic communication patterns can quickly sabotage even the simplest of discussions, making the divorce process that much harder for both parties.

If you want to see better results when talking to your former spouse throughout the divorce, experts suggest practicing the following tips:

Your life does not, of course, remain static. You may move, remarry, have children, or experience any other major event that will cause drastic life changes. If this happens, it may be necessary to make a modification to your divorce judgment, because what once was acceptable may now be too expensive, or it may be inequitable in terms of cost or time spent. Still, a modification may not be made simply on a whim. There are requirements that must be met in order to make such adjustments.

What Can Be Modified?

Under Illinois law, almost every part of a divorce decree can be modified if sufficient evidence is shown for the necessity. Most of the time, updates are requested due to changes in living conditions, such as the loss of a job or a relocation. Generally, however, the most common type of change requested in Illinois is the modification of spousal or child support.

To have a modification granted, the movant must show a substantial change in circumstances. That substantial change must be shown even if your situation is in dire need of adjustment, because without that requirement, in theory, any spouse could just appear in court and demand a change without justification.

Divorces can drag on for many months, if not longer. If proceedings stall, it can be difficult to get through the process alone. Men and women both face the temptation to date before they are officially divorced, even though this can lead to potential problems with their ex-spouses. There are positives, such as companionship during what can be a trying time, but the social and financial negatives tend to outweigh them. In fact, many divorce attorneys will advise you to wait before beginning a new relationship.

Spouse and Child-Related Issues

Despite your best intentions, it can seem like a slap in the face to your ex-spouse if you cannot wait to date a new person until after the divorce is concluded. While in theory, it has ceased to be their business, in practice, a jealous or bitter ex-spouse can drag out proceedings, costing you significant time in court and money in attorneys’ fees. While there are limits as to what a party can do to hold up the process without facing potential sanctions, it is very possible for a divorce to drag on exclusively due to one party’s intransigence.

Dating during your divorce can also affect your children, especially if your new partner is very different from your former spouse. Child psychologists urge maintaining a routine for children during divorce, especially younger children, and seeing their parent with someone new is the antithesis of routine for many. Depending on the nature of the relationship, it may even provoke a response from your ex-spouse if your children experience adverse reactions. It is possible that your parenting time or the amount of parental responsibilities you are granted will be affected by introducing a new person into your children’s lives, especially if that person may be considered unsafe, perhaps due to past criminal convictions on their record. 

Illinois couples who are considering a separation or divorce should also begin the process of evaluating their debts. When couples elect to divorce in Illinois, the partners are required to divide both their debts and assets. If the matter of debt and asset distribution is left up to the court, the state’s equitable distribution guidelines will be utilized. In most cases, these rules are not conducive to the wide variety of financial situations couples may be contending with. Also, it is important to understand that the state’s equitable distribution guidelines do not mean that all debts and assets will be divided equally. Instead, they will be divided in a manner that the court deems to be fair and just based on the circumstances.

Prenuptial Agreements Often Fail to Address Marital Debt

In many cases, even if the couple had executed a prenuptial agreement that outlines the distribution of separate and marital assets, the issue of debt accumulated during the marriage is not included in the agreement. Many couples find that the best solution to amicably resolve the issue of debt accumulated during marriage is to work together to pay it off before beginning the divorce process. If this is not possible, each partner must be proactive about making sure that they do not take on more than their fair share of the total debt load.  

Consumer Debt From the Marriage

Consumer debt such as credit cards can become a particularly contentious issue in a divorce. It is important to understand that, with regard to joint accounts, the credit card company is under no obligation to recognize your divorce agreement. This means that no matter how you and your partner divide the debt, both of you may still be liable if the other defaults on their payments, just as if you were still married.

While most parents recognize that it is important they get along and work together to raise their children, many struggle with this concept after a divorce. Even a few moments with their ex may spark feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, sadness, or guilt. When those feelings lead to an argument, children can begin to feel as though they are responsible for the continued conflict, which may be the exact opposite of what caring, loving parents want. In these situations, parallel parenting may be a viable alternative.

What Is Parallel Parenting?

Parallel parenting seeks to reduce conflict between parents by encouraging disengagement between parents, rather than engagement. Each parent works independently toward the best interest of their child, focusing solely on their personal relationship with the child. No ill words are spoken about the other parent around the child, each household is run as each parent sees fit, and there is very little contact between the adults. Success in this parenting method relies upon the respect for one another’s boundaries and privacy. As such, a comprehensive plan should be developed, generally with the assistance of a skilled legal professional, such as a family law attorney.

Tips for Implementing a Parallel Parenting Plan

In a parallel parenting plan, parents should avoid contact as much as possible. Parallel parenting would not be necessary if the parents got along well with one another. Of course, they still have children to raise together, and that requires at least some level of communication. Preferably, this communication should take place through email, text messages, or another form of written communication. However, when there is a need to discuss matters in person, some basic boundaries may be able to help you avoid unnecessary conflict. Ideas could include: