In the United States, social media usage is continuing to rise across all age groups, according to the Pew Research Center. The typical American uses at least three of the following social media platforms: YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp, Pinterest, and Snapchat. As virtually any lawyer will warn a client, it is best to stay away from social media during legal proceedings. This is particularly true for those going through a divorce or a child custody dispute.

Online Posts Can Be Used Against You

During the divorce process, social media can be used to uncover evidence that may be used against either party. For example, a father’s lack of judgment may be shown by an Instagram picture of him driving with an open can of beer in the car, or a wife’s extravagant vacation spending may be gleaned from a Facebook post. The former could be used to argue that the father should have limited parental responsibilities or parenting time, while the latter could be used to refute the wife’s argument that she does not have the means to pay spousal support.

Regardless of whether you are still living with your spouse or the two of you are no longer under one roof, you will likely want to reduce your social media presence during your divorce proceedings. In some cases, a social media post, comment, or picture may not be representative of your true character, or it may be taken out of context. This type of evidence can put you in a bad light, and it may be a factor considered by a judge when making a decision that is not in your favor.

Around 16 percent of same-sex couples who live in the same household are raising children together, according to The Williams Institute. In addition, adoption by same-sex couples has nearly doubled since the early 2000s. Many of these couples face difficult circumstances when their relationships fall apart or their marriages end in divorce. In these cases, child custody disputes can be complicated, highly emotional events that often leave one or both parties unhappy when the final decision is made by a judge. These situations can particularly complex when one parent is the biological parent of the child and the other is not.

When the Child Is Adopted, and Both Spouses Are Legal Parents

When a same-sex couple adopts a child together, and each spouse is a legal parent, decisions about child custody will be resolved in the same manner as if both parents were biological parents. If the couple cannot come to an agreement out of court, a judge will make a decision in favor of the child’s best interests. Deciding factors include the parenting abilities of each party, the emotional bond that each parent has with the child, the child’s preference if they are old enough, the financial ability of each parent to provide for the child, the work schedule and career demands of each parent, and much more.

What if Only One Spouse Is a Legal Parent?

In some same-sex relationships, only one spouse or partner may be the legal parent for a variety of reasons. In these cases, it can be difficult for the other parent to receive any custody or visitation rights. A spouse who is not a child’s legal parent may need to prove their relationship with the child and demonstrate their intent to raise the child to the court.

Dealing with divorce and separation can be tricky around the holidays, especially when children are involved. Kids may focus on their memories of Christmases past and struggle with their emotions as they adjust to the way their lives have changed this year. Rather than allowing the holiday season to become filled with anger, resentment, sadness, and stress, it is your duty as a parent to generate excitement for this season, giving the gift of joy to both your children, and even to your ex, by creating a parenting time arrangement that works for everyone.

Here are a couple of tips for making that possible:

Do Not Make Children Choose

You and your spouse may disagree about who gets to have parenting time on Christmas Day. Perhaps you cannot come to a civil agreement, because the holiday is equally important to each of you. Whatever you do, do not put the burden of choice on your children. Holiday parenting schedules should be outlined in your parenting time agreement to avoid any confusion.

f you and your ex-spouse find yourselves unable to reach an agreement when it comes to child custody during your divorce, a judge will create an arrangement for you. An “allocation of parental responsibility” judgment created in court is based primarily upon Illinois law and what the judge considers to be in the best interests of the children, but it will not always work with the lifestyle of your family. When arguing your case in court, your goal is to represent beyond any doubt that more time with you is what is best for your children. Use these tips to help strengthen your case:

1. Educate Yourself

It is essential to understand that every state has a unique set of laws surrounding child custody. To best prepare your case, you should thoroughly investigate the laws and the factors a judge will use to make their decision. In Illinois, judgments of how to allocate parenting time and parental responsibility are based entirely on the best interests of the children, and the factors a judge will consider include:

• The wishes of everyone involved.
• The quality of each parent-child relationship.
• The mental and physical health of all parties.
• The willingness of each parent to facilitate a relationship with the other parent.
• Which parent has provided care for children in the past.
• The ability of a parent to provide a stable and loving environment.
• The level of adjustment the child has to the current situation.

2. Evaluate Your Positives

Your first instinct may be to tear down the other parent in order to bolster your own good qualities. However, this thinking does not always result in a positive outcome, and it can cause you to lose points when a judge is considering the “willingness of each parent to facilitate a relationship with the other parent.” Instead, focus on your positives. Start with a basic list of why you best meet the criteria described above. Then, begin accumulating hard evidence to support your claims. This may include:

When you share parenting time of your child with your ex-spouse, your ability to control what the other parent does with his or her time is limited. Unless the child is being placed in danger, your former partner is essentially free to parent as he or she sees fit. For the most part, as long as your child is happy and safe, you are probably able to accept this particular aspect of post-divorce co-parenting. However, what about the times when the other parent needs to hire a babysitter or make other childcare arrangements during his or her parenting time? Do you have any say in the matter? Depending upon the terms of your parenting plan or parental responsibilities order, you may, in fact, have certain rights.

First Refusal

The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act provides that divorced, separated, or unmarried parents may include the right of first refusal in their parenting agreement. As such, it important to understand what that right entails. According to the law, the right of first refusal means that if a parent intends to leave his or her child with a “substitute child-care provider for a significant period of time,” the parent must first offer the other parent the opportunity to care for the child. In other words, if the right of first refusal is included in your agreement and you need a sitter for a significant period of time, you must first ask the other parent if he or she wants to care for your child.

Reaching an Agreement

The law is intentionally vague regarding what constitutes a “significant period of time,” because such a determination is best made by the affected parties. If you want the right of first refusal, you and the other parent must decide how and when the right will be invoked. For example, you may decide that if one of you needs to find childcare for a single evening, hiring a sitter or asking a family member is acceptable, but if you need substitute care for a whole day or more, you will need to ask the other parent first. You will also want to discuss transportation arrangements and any other potential concerns so that they can be addressed before problems arise.