Mediation and other forms of alternative dispute resolution are fast becoming a popular substitute for a standard courtroom divorce, especially for couples who still are able to maintain a good working relationship. However, it is not uncommon to see couples commencing a mediation without a real grasp of what it actually entails, especially if they are doing so post-decree, or after a divorce decree. While everyone’s experience will be slightly different, there are some things that remain the same and some that will differ from a pre-decree mediation.

Lots of Flexibility Pre-Decree

Finding a mediator in Illinois is usually not difficult, especially in the Chicago suburbs. There are multiple organizations that field trained mediation professionals, some (but not all) of whom are also attorneys. You must choose one if the mediation is not specifically court-ordered, but the fee to hire a mediator is generally split between both parties—though if you prefer, one party may foot the bill in exchange for assets or another advantage. The decision is up to the couple, as are most in this process.

 Divorce is often long and bitter fight over the remnants of a marriage. However, it does not have to be, especially if you and your spouse have decided to divorce due to simply growing apart. In Illinois, an uncontested divorce, also called a joint simplified dissolution of marriage, can save couples significant time and trouble if their relationship is still good enough to work together.

The Facts

Essentially, an uncontested divorce simply means that neither spouse is interested in contesting any aspect of the dissolution of marriage. Generally, this is achieved by presenting the court with a divorce decree co-written by the spouses, stipulating to issues such as asset distribution. The court does have the right to modify a separation agreement authored by the spouses, though this will not usually occur unless the agreement is clearly unconscionable. Illinois is an equitable distribution state for the purpose of distributing marital assets, which means that the court will divide all marital property between the spouses in the most equitable way possible or will ensure that the spouses have reached an agreement that is reasonable.

Sadly, many marriages are affecting by patterns domestic violence. While such abuse is most often characterized as perpetrated by a husband against his wife, it can come from either spouse, and it can be directed at anyone in the household. If you are in fear of an abusive or violent spouse and want a divorce, you do have some options and protection in Illinois. It may be imperative one day to know what you have at your disposal.

Have an Exit Plan

The main thing that every abused spouse needs to have when preparing to separate from or divorce a domestic abuser is a strategy for leaving if necessary. Plans for divorce must come after a successful exit and, likely, a restraining order. Statistics from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) show that an abused spouse is at most risk in the two weeks immediately following their leaving the marital home. A prearranged exit plan that guarantees access to money and safe housing is absolutely critical lest you wind up back in your spouse’s hands.

Divorce can be one of the most difficult times in a person’s life, especially if they are not the one who initiated proceedings. However, some try to actively make things harder for their spouse by doing things such as refusing to sign divorce papers, hiding information, and generally doing their best to impede the legal process. When you are dealing with such obstruction, it is understandable to wonder if it is actually possible for your spouse to deny you a divorce, but rest assured, the answer is no,though it can be made complex and expensive by an intransigent partner.

Delay Tactics Are Common

If you are the person to initiate divorce proceedings against your spouse’s wishes, it is not uncommon for him or her to attempt to delay or otherwise affect proceedings. One common way in which a spouse may attempt to thwart a divorce going forward is to make themselves unavailable to sign the papers. The rationale behind this is the presumption that proceedings cannot go forward without proof that the responding party—your spouse, in this example—has at least been made aware of the filing.

If you or your spouse ends up in the unenviable position of having to file for both bankruptcy and divorce, it is imperative that you both understand the laws surrounding marital debts and bankruptcy. Many couples make assumptions and then react strongly when their carefully constructed asset division proposal collapses on itself. By educating yourself, you and your spouse can work to avoid such a fate.

Bankruptcy First?

One of the biggest questions regarding asset division, but especially marital debt, is whether to file for bankruptcy before divorce or vice versa. The general rule is that it depends on each spouse’s individual finances, and which type of bankruptcy would be filed. However, in most cases, filing beforehand tends to streamline the divorce process, while filing afterward or concurrently can cause a divorce to drag on. This is especially true if you or your spouse would be filing a Chapter 7 bankruptcy, either jointly or individually. In a Chapter 7, all debts are eliminated or written off, as opposed to in other types of bankruptcy where restructuring is more common.