Custody exchanges are often the only time spouses who are getting divorced or who have already divorced will see each other outside of a courtroom or mediation center. Courts and mediation centers can lead the conversation so both parties stay focused on resolving their divorce or child custody case. During custody handoffs, there is usually not anyone present to be “in charge” of the situation. The parents must cooperate to keep custody handoffs smooth and civil on their own. This can be difficult, especially for those going through a high-conflict divorce. Your attorney can help you come up with an individualized plan to help your custody exchanges go well. 

Ways to Keep Custody Exchanges Friendly

One of the things that often goes wrong during custody exchanges is that the parents begin to argue. This can be upsetting for both adults, but also for the children involved. Some ways to prevent conflict during custody exchanges include: 

• Make agreements - If you know what topics or actions are likely to provoke a fight, agree beforehand to avoid those triggers. Your attorney can help you determine what other agreements might be necessary. 
• Be there, and be there on time - One of the biggest mistakes parents make is failing to show up for a scheduled custody exchange, or arriving significantly late. It is okay if you are delayed a few minutes once or twice, but it is important to respect the parenting time plan. 
• Focus on the children - Custody exchanges are a good time for parents to catch each other up on what the children have been doing. Parents can go over their child’s upcoming schedule for extracurriculars or share a fun activity they did. Keeping the conversation focused on the child means that the parents are less likely to start arguing. 

Are Custody Exchanges Avoidable?

In certain situations, custody exchanges are not safe for one parent, or unsupervised visitation is not safe for the child. Courts sometimes use what is called “supervised visitation.” This means that the parent needing supervision can only see the child either in a designated visitation center or sometimes while a qualified adult is present. When supervised visitation is used, the parents will generally not need to come face to face. 

In uncontested divorce, spouses have a lot of freedom in how they divide their marital assets. Collaborative divorce has become far more popular than a contested divorce. It is easy to see why. When you go to court, it is largely up to a judge how they divide your marital assets, so long as they comply with Illinois law. When you and your spouse go to mediation or begin negotiating, you retain much more control over the final outcome. Alternative dispute resolution is also private, whereas contested divorce is not. Finally, deciding how to divide your property together is usually much less expensive and time-consuming than going through a battle in the courtroom. However, it can still be difficult for spouses to work together to come up with a fair way to divide their marital property. There are a number of strategies spouses can use during collaborative divorce. Even in out-of-court divorce, you should be represented by a family law attorney who can advocate for you during the process. 

3 Ways to Approach Asset Division

Illinois law states that marital property should be divided in a way that is fair to both spouses. This is the goal in mediation as well. There are many ways to approach the division of marital assets, and you and your spouse should ideally try to agree on a strategy you both feel is fair. Strategies to consider include: 

Trust is essential in a marriage. If you suspect that your spouse is hiding assets, it is fairly clear that there is little trust remaining in your marriage. If you are also contemplating divorce, it is important to know whether your spouse has assets you do not know about but may have a claim to. It is fairly common for people who suspect that their spouse is going to leave them to begin concealing money or other valuable property in the hopes that they will be able to keep it all in the divorce. Illinois law requires all marital property to be divided equitably between spouses and considers almost all property acquired after marriage to be marital property. If you suspect that you do not know about all of your marital assets, your divorce attorney may be able to take steps like bringing in a forensic accountant to reveal any hidden money or property. 

How Can I Tell if My Spouse is Hiding Marital Assets? 

Proving whether your spouse is concealing assets might take the work of an attorney or another professional. However, a few signs that may suggest your spouse has hidden assets may include:  

• Financial correspondence - If your spouse starts receiving mail or e-mails from a bank, investment firm, or other financial institution you are unaware of having an account with, it could be because your spouse is attempting to conceal their financial activity. 
• Spending from unknown sources - When your spouse makes a purchase - especially a luxury one - make sure you know where the money came from. For example, if your spouse buys a jet ski but you do not see the transaction on any of the bank accounts or credit cards you know about, your spouse may have used a hidden fund. 
• Missing money - If your spouse starts taking out large amounts of cash and you are unsure where that money is going, your spouse might be trying to build up a secret personal account. 
• Giving excuses for financial loss - Many people hiding money from their spouse devise various excuses to explain why money is disappearing. They may claim they had a pay decrease, a bad investment, or had to give a substantial amount to help a friend or family member. 

If you notice one or more of these signs, it is likely worth investigating further to determine whether your spouse has hidden assets. 

Divorce mediation is now a very popular option for people of all ages and income levels who are getting divorced. In Illinois, spouses who are able to agree on each issue in their divorce can often get divorced fairly quickly. Courts will nearly always accept agreements between the spouses and use these terms in the divorce decree. Mediation is also done in private as opposed to contested divorce, which is carried out in open court. It is also generally far more cost-effective than going to court. This can make divorce mediation a very attractive option for a lot of couples. It tends to work particularly well for amicable spouses but can work for those who are fighting as well. However, mediation is not for every set of spouses. Your DuPage County divorce attorney can help you decide whether trying divorce mediation first makes sense in your case. 

Will Divorce Mediation Work for Us?

While no one can predict with certainty whether divorce mediation will work for you and your spouse, there are a few factors that might suggest it is worth trying. It may be a good sign that divorce mediation will be effective for you if your divorce is:

• Amicable - Spouses who are still friendly with each other are more likely to be fair to each other in mediation. If you and your spouse get along well and intend to maintain a cordial relationship, it is likely that you will be able to work together and make compromises. 
• Gray - While this is not true in every case, older adults who are getting divorced are often more mature and can be reasonable and just during mediation. While older adults might have more complicated divorce issues, they are often able to settle these issues with a little help from their lawyers and a mediator. 
• Quick - If you were not married for very long at all, you and your spouse probably do not have a lot of marital property or children together. Short marriages can often be resolved quickly in mediation. 
• After separation - If you and your spouse were legally (or practically) separated for a while, you likely already have some agreements in place about what property belongs to whom. If you have children, you are likely experienced separated co-parents and may be able to simply put your existing agreements into a formal legal document. 

Divorce mediation is beneficial for a lot of people for a lot of reasons. It is important to talk with your divorce attorney about whether mediation may be right for you. 

Whether you can be awarded alimony in your Illinois divorce depends on the length of your marriage, the marital income, and other factors Illinois spousal maintenance law considers important. The judge will likely take your ability to earn a living into consideration as well. If you were married and a homemaker for a long time, you likely have a very strong case for needing alimony. It can be extremely difficult to re-enter the workforce after years of being a full-time parent or devoting yourself to running the household. Courts generally do not want to see anyone left in a position where they cannot afford to meet their basic needs after a divorce. If you believe that you will need alimony after your divorce, it is important to work with an experienced attorney who can identify the best arguments in your favor. 

Length of Marriage Matters

People who were married for a very long time usually have the best chances of being awarded alimony. This is because courts know it can be very challenging for someone who has not worked in many years to suddenly start working again. Divorcing spouses in this position may receive temporary alimony for a set period of time so that they have support while getting an education or job training. 

Ability to Work is Important

In some cases, one spouse cannot work at all due to a disability or advanced age. In these cases, courts are more likely to award long-term alimony. If you are an older couple getting divorced, the court will not likely expect either spouse to go out and learn new job skills. Judges generally do not want to see people suddenly unable to meet their basic needs because they got divorced. In most cases, courts will try to make sure both spouses can largely maintain their standard of living.