If you and your spouse are considering calling it ending your marriage, you probably have many concerns. Divorce will almost certainly have an affect on your finances, living situation, and especially your children. What should you expect your children to experience and feel if you and your spouse go your separate ways? Every situation is unique, but experts largely agree that there are some common things to be aware of when it comes to how divorce will impact your child.

Common Responses Children Tend to Have

It not unusual for you to see behavioral changes in your child during a separation or divorce. Some kids will act noticeably different at first and then adjust over time, while others may keep feelings inside and not immediately react to their changes in their family. In fact, some children will have no reaction at all to the news that their parents are getting divorced. It takes time for kids to process and understand what is happening and what it means for them.

If you are a parent, you probably spend a lot of time worrying about the health, safety, and happiness of your children. When a couple with children divorces, the parents main concern is often how the divorce will affect the children. How will they adapt to their new lifestyle? Will they become resentful of their parents? Although divorce is a difficult process for families to go through, research shows that boys and girls have a remarkable ability to adapt to a two-home family and even thrive in it.

Famous psychologist Constance Ahrons spent 20 years studying the effects of divorce on children. She found through her studies that about 80 percent of children whose parents divorce adapt to the divorce and lead contented, prosperous lives afterward. Most do not suffer permanent negative effects on their mental well-being, physical health, school performance, or social skills.

Developmental psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington’s work supports Ahrons’ findings. Through a study of 2,500 children whose parents divorced, Hetherington found that a divorce alone did not influence children’s social, academic, or personal lives negatively. Other research supports these conclusions. When it comes to raising happy, healthy children, staying together as married parents is not required.

Too often, disabled children, whether they are adults or minors, become points of contention during a divorce. Raising a child with a disability can be quite expensive in in the United States, and while studies show that the rate of divorce for parents of a disabled child is very high, you should never make your child feel as though he or she caused your breakup. It is also important to ensure that your child is cared for regardless of circumstances.

Financial Issues

One of the first priorities that you should have as a parent in this situation is to ensure that your child does not lose the benefits for which he or she has previously qualified. Supplemental Security Income (SSI) and Medicaid are affected by the amount that the person (or their caregivers) makes per month, so if, for example, you are awarded spousal support in your divorce decree that pushes you into a new tax bracket, your disabled child could become ineligible for all or part of his or her SSI. This can be avoided if your divorce agreement is written carefully. Generally, in Illinois, this means establishing what is referred to as a Special Needs Trust, into which the paying parent pays their child support payments. The reason for such stringent rules is because in the eyes of the Social Security Administration (SSA), child support belongs to the child not to the custodial parent.

In Illinois, the court will often take into account the wishes of the child or children who are the subject of a parenting time dispute. While a child's input can be incredibly valuable in terms of determining the child's best interest - as is the court's ultimate goal - it is not necessarily appropriate under all circumstances.

If you are involved in a parenting time dispute and worry about how your child's feelings and wishes will be respected, our compassionate family law attorneys in Wheaton can be by your side throughout the process.

Illinois Considers Child Input as One Factor in Parenting Time Disputes

Not all parents agree that they need to contribute to their children’s educational expenses past the high school level. Some parents believe having a child work in order to pay for college expenses builds character, and for other parents, it is an expense they cannot afford. When parents’ divorce, the question of whether or not they will contribute to their children’s college expenses may be decided by a judge. In Illinois, courts can order parents to contribute to their children’s educational expenses, including college expenses.

Illinois law provides that in some cases, after receiving a petition from one of the parties, a court may award funds from a couple’s property or income, to be used for a child’s higher education expenses. If a parent is deceased, the court may order expenses to be paid from the parent’s estate. Generally speaking the educational expenses a court may order are for an undergraduate education, or for trade school. A parent who wishes to challenge a petition for college-related expenses has to show the court good cause why the petition should not be granted. If one parent has financial hardships, for example high personal student loan debt, they may argue that they should not be responsible for the child’s college expenses.

Factors a Court Considers